...i get ideas and i start them into motion...taping off a wall 'to' paint, buying supplies to make/build/create or measure things and draw rough plans.
The problem here is that it is very difficult to enjoy the victory of (or agony even) of a project because 'IT' gets pushed aside for the next thing to get started.
My problem becomes exasperated by the fact that I am adult onset attention deficit disorder [human?] so i go through super motivated "project stater" modes; these are projects that I am turbo charged to get started, like...this will be the one, the "one" that moves me to elevate my status from project starter to project do-er.
just get up, just do it...what is holding you back?*
I had to type ↑↑↑ those words just to move me from staring at the white blank page and go clean my kitchen...
I am starting to look at my "projects started" and I'm feeling a little defeated; overwhelmed really.
CG is a project, no...No, Camp Gladiator is a change, the project is me?
I don't know that last sentence looks cheesy like theatrically cheesy {{{dramatic}}}.
My point is, i find myself looking to be finished "start"ing Camp Gladiator, but I don't want to be finished...my mind is showing me all the ways that I could quit...the alarm game, establishing the "project starter" limitation, drinking way too much wine over the weekend, etc...
When I popped open my eyes and looked at my phone at 4:36am a full 25 minutes before my alarm would sound, I felt (as i rolled back over to sleep) that my mind won this mornings round of the alarm game. But...my alarm did sound and i got up (albeit slowly) and made it to workout!
It does not feel good to not be able to run the warm up lap and I was beginning to doubt myself and press into my own mind games this morning but I did not quit...(i mean...i quit running...) but I did not quit the workout that I started. The warm up was great and the interval workout was intense but I loved it!!! I did all the stoopid burpees and only had to modify the star jumps*!!! Headed out shortly for cross-trainers and a foam-roller, feeling less overwhelmed and less defeated after conquering this mornings workout with an amazing crew of encouraging team mates, led by one.awesome.trainer!
*in the interest of keeping this blog a little (too) real, honest and TotAlly about me, I came straight home and made an appointment for my ob/gyn...cause...I had to modify the star jumps...cause i didn't wear an actual diaper and wasted the "bladder liner" doing the quick jacks.
{{{Uber FacePalm emoji}}}
I am also aware that this blog...is a project. And once I am aware of something I begin to pick. I will find any reason I can to avoid addressing my thoughts and feelings. As I typed that Im thinking, that statement looks as "stoopid" as Burpees...I started this blog...I put it out there for whoever reads it and as long as I am pushing forward and working towards my goals...i am becoming a "do-er" of projects!
I do enjoy being able to share my heart and hope that whoever is seeing this has been, entertained, motivated or even moved to...just keep moving!
Hope your day (or night or whatever) is great!!!
-i
i don't know why the background for this post is white and it bugggggsssss me.....sorry.
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