An unofficial beginning is still a start...

This; what happened...happening.

It Seems to me; weird to talk about anything in a past tense when I have been at this for just 'some' months...but my results {{{the CHANGES }}} are obvious, rapid, exhausting, painful and at moments overwhelming, but nonetheless AWeSome!

When I signed up for CG (with two of my spirit animals, a fierce mama bear and a strong mother of doggos) I knew I needed to be doing something for my health and/or fitness, but I was in a lazy passive aggressive denial zone. My heart knew I was ready to make some real lifestyle changes and that is what pushed me to sign up.
Before the ink was dry i could feel my mind mixing the mortar to build walls of "you can't do this!"

44 years (i was 43 when i started this post...facepalm emoji), 2 kids (3.5 years post being Done having babies!), about 60 pounds overweight, tired, without a schedule structure, a legit fear of change and a penchant for sugary snacks and junk food is where my CG began.....at.5:01am...

This journey started with its lots of bumps (speed, sharp corners, mild and steep inclines) but with more modification than i was prepared to/Not ashamed to admit, I have picked up the pace, begun milling down the sharp corners and made it up some hills (ok, ramps and steps because {{{♪stadium dash♪♫}}} I live in a concrete jungle).

Some of the real benefits of a newfound energy and fitness level is that I am having more fun with my kids in their activities and our daily adventures! I feel a more alert; even if I do feel the need to grab a quick nap (definitely during weeks of interval or endurance...) and more adventurous in my approaches to work, domestic labor, mom(ing), and my life in general.

This effort comes with feeling uncomfortable*, A lot of growing PAINs and even more sore muscles and bones, but ",,,weakness leaving the body", "...makes us stronger", "...you get what you give", "...its your workout", "...strive for progress"
and my most favorite right now....

“When God wants you to grow He makes you uncomfortable...”* i don't know who 'penned' this but it has resonated with me since seeing it on social media somewhere over the last week or so...it has helped me to realize how little i listen and pay attention to myself...i have made myself so busy looking at what others are doing/how they were doing (it) and not following, taking or making my own path to just get stuff done {{{epic facepalm emoji}}}

And I’m just going to get out in front of my another current “life mantra”...(or perhaps new soon to be updated facebook description)...

“uncomfortable is my new inconsistency...”
 cause
 “learning and growing...always in all ways" is how i do and something i preach to my peeps.
...additionally because i love alliteration...

☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝☝

this "jump rope situation" did little to help me feel better about all of the changes, but finding the humor in the reality of being a woman (and birthed her babies...) is humiliatingly humorous... 

A first time ever... CG Stadium dash (I so hope this becomes an annual ‘dash’!!!) so much internal turmoil that surrounded actually showing up ...
- my hope to get the best  involved
- my absolute desire to get my best On.The field at DKR/Memorial stadium
-an earsick kid
-being an earsick kids mom
-Also, battling with my mind (as it scoops cement, building a wall) that is filling the expanse full of doubt in myself that my body will be able to do this even.


A testimony to the CHANGES it that I did the CG stadium dash...by myself but with an entire community! Made a friend walking up and met up with some friends to 'dash' with, as I was walking up I was so excited and nervous but any walls that my mind had built crumbled as soon as I was in line with this awesome CG group of humans! 

I am beyond grateful for the people that help raise me up and remind me that I can do it and that push me to push myself!
Thank you CG!

an eventual Renewal

Just end me now... I have to get my license renewed and I am told the wait is about two hours for this service...the entire scene is something out of a really bad movie... From the moment I walked in the door the monotony of bureaucracy has been in my face. I  walked out of a roped line waiting area three times, passed the admin/help desk twice, talked to a very pleasant trooper, actually walked Out the door (one time) and then back in to attempt to wait this out.

One of my first thoughts as I sit here is that they should really have bench seating as opposed to the individual plastic seat chairs. It is (((was))) super awkward to have to weasel my way into a seat between groups of individuals or an individual... I have just been "checked on" by someone I guess works here and overheard that the wait for the service [i'm needing] can be up to two and a half hours..."that's the most time...you would have to wait..." Oy! With any luck I... "...could fall I somewhere before that..."

There are sooo many desks, booths and waiting areas and so few people filling them that it seems obvious why the wait is so long but begs the question,,, Where are all the employees?
SPOILER ALERT: The closer we got to closing up time, the more desks, booths and work areas were filled and working

So. I sit wedged in between two absolute strangers, a nice fella from Texas but who moved back to TX from Tulsa and a man who is looking straight forward in an effort to avoid any kind of human contact.
"No Contact Guy" gets up and I get to spread out a bit, balance my cheeks in between two chairs to save up some elbow bumping space and enjoy a little personal space in a wide open waiting room of people who want as much to do with me as I want to be there!

Then a very nice older man proceeds to ask if anyone is sitting...and of course I say "no, please...," and he proceeds to sit, sandwiching himself between me and a couple next me; thankfully I still have an empty chair space between me and Tulsa ...the seemingly nice man begins shuffling through his backpack pulling out file folders and futzing through loads of documents as he is plays a solo game of elbow hockey with my left side. At some point I realize the old sport is standing (still between me and the couple to 'his' left) adjusting his pants and doing something with his belt...maybe that is what he was getting out of his backpack during the second half {of elbow hockey}. Reflecting back on it, it seems like wildly inappropriate behavior; but since i did not pick my eyes up during the 'happening' i decided to not rely on my peripherals and leave it alone.
To my right, in a chair next to where Tulsa was sitting is a very talkative woman having very long and loud conversation(s) and it is wildly annoying. I feel like I should know her name, as I know so much about the people in her life. There was a kiddo behind me with a pretty shrill cry (repeatedly "shrill crying"), so I turned around and chatted with him (yes I did all the talking, the kids gave me the "are you crazy?" look the entire time) for a moment or two (really I was chatting through him and to his mom who, like myself wasn't expecting such long wait times) and the shrill screaming stopped 😎...
I finally got up and moved away from the phone talker. I needed to Not hear her voice and stories anymore.  I could no longer take it; and as, I no longer have the old timer next to me to listen to as he grumbles to me? or to himself...(((I am not sure)))...I moved to a seat where I could watch the numbers on the monitor climb ever.so.slowly closer to mine without having to hear about whatever "Tiffany and James and Peter" were up too.

 Being someone who has been recognized as, called out for and pushed to tears because I am a loud talker, I 'didn't listen" ((and didn't call her out)) as long as I could.  But this one...had zero awareness, mindfulness or care about anyone around her; and after some point in that waiting room, the more i heard her words and stories the more frustrated and annoyed I got...so i moved far enough away to muffle out her words.

Watching the screen nonstop as my number approached...8 more, 7 more...6,5, 4......
......
Finally me!!! My number was there on the screen!!! I had waited through over 85 numbers and to see my combination of digits on that screen I was elated! I danced around in search of table, booth, desk number FIVE (5)...oddly after turning around in many circles and looking every bit as crazy as I felt, I found the area with the number five hanging above it...it was that admin/help desk that i had walked by more than once over two hours ago...I walk up, wait for "Jerrel" to make eye contact and hand him my number.  He just looks at me (clearly as confused as I am) so I say something to the effect of, here is my number it just popped up on the screen for this desk, I am here to renew my license..."Jerrel is obviously a person that has nothing to do with me getting this service done.
He says to me he says, oh I was just deleting numbers I must have pushed yours by mistake...
I think it is important to pause here and note that i did not loose my shit, but that i recognized that this was the kind of setting that pushes mildly depressed, anxious, hangry people (such as myself) All.The.Way.over the edge.

Jerrel shuffles around discarded old tickets around as i ask, in my calmest there is a sheriff over there voice..."so should i continue to wait? what happens now?". Jarrel waves me off and tells me to wait over there (where I was waiting before for 2.5 hours) and it shouldn't be long.  After five minutes (that was too long to have to sit and watch people whose numbers were after mine get the service they need, while now repeatedly being passed over) I went back to Jarrel and said "Sir, how much longer will I have to wait? I have been mostly patient these last two and a half hours and find this very aggravating."
Still not having apologized, still not making eye contact and still avoiding the situation he says it should be there...
Finally (imagine the voice of Ariel when she gets her voice back from the sea witch Ursula) my number re-appears and I get my license renewed in about TWO Minutes {{{angry, sad, sullen, annoyed, ecstatic, elated emoji}}} and I am finished.

I left, renewed and full of joy that I should'nt have to go through this again for at least the next ten years.