accidentally shaved my husbands head bald...for the second time

 I did not shower, or even take off my comfy new $10 workout wear until it was time to get ready for bed!!! I wore those clothes like trophies! All.Day!

Since I have a day off and I'm pretty sure nobody want to sit and read me whine and moan about
..how sore my shoulders are
or
about how, now that I am starting to get my body hydrated 'better' I am more terrified than ever that tomorrow morning, during jump and jacks, that I will pee everywhere.

No, nobody wants to read that.

I think I would like to talk about how I worked through my anxiety over this life change; as i feel as though beginning sometime Friday evening I began rapid cycling through the five stages of grief...maybe for the life that I so desperately need(ED) to change.

1. Denial...the "What have I just done, what was I thinking...how could I have literally "committed" myself for so much Work??? And early mornings even!!!!
2. Anger...for All the parents, family and friends... to anyone in the path or wake of my attitude on the soccer field Saturday morning during that cold, windy and Cold soccer game, my most sincere apologies, I don't deal well with change.
3. Bargaining...I accidentally shaved my husbands head bald... this was probably at the base of anger and just warming up in to, turning brad into 'Sampson' and cutting off ALL his hair. Truthfully I just forgot to put the guard on (yes, again). Never did I intend to "make" him bald.
4. Depression...I did not really have time for this one since I had a once in a while date night so I kind of rushed through this to
5. Acceptance...I set my alarm clock for "prior to the but crack of dawn" and wend to bed before it was even dark outside.

All in all I think I am handling things ok. I am trying out a supplement, vitamins and eating a little better already. Well not really, but I feel like I am making better choices anyway.

I do need to mention that on an "off" day like today where I am beginning to search my brain for fresh new excuses as to why I don't need to get up and train on that I am getting so much encouragement from so many and I am so incredibly thankful and unbelievably grateful to have such support and enthusiasm from friends and family! From the very bottom  of my heart, Thank you!

I am cautiously optimistic about tomorrow mornings workout and reluctantly excited to wake up and get going. I will re-up on Aleve and continue to hydrate so much that I have to stop everywhere I go  and use the restroom (at least twice if I am doing any kind of browsing).

Through him and from my heart,

-i

First 5:30am workout in the Bank

Getting up today, the first day was not so bad...got dressed in the dark (which works because anyone who enjoys a 5:30 am workout is doing so in the dark...). I woke up a few times in the night and refused to look at the clock so that when my actual alarm went off I would be surprised and not have wasted any time on how much longer I could sleep.
Today was not awful...i did not puke, i did not collapse into a weeping ball of goo and refuse to go any further...I did it.  And I will probably stay in these super comfy $10 athletic pants all damn day!!!  May even wear them to swing by and get some more $10 comfy athletic pants.

Seriously though, it was tough, I did a lot more walking than jogging, I modified All.The push ups and those stupid, dumb "Johnny C's"...whoever that guy is needs a nut-punch (right after that Burpee fellow). I am still nervous and anxious...pretty sure I will not be able to use my arms tomorrow but that wont matter because my abdomen will probably render me immobile after those....banana Gut busters.

My Trainer is awesome, she texted me to make sure I was up and even followed up with an encouraging text post work out! I looking to see what else i can do tomorrow (probably nothing) but am looking forward to my next workout on Wednesday!

*afternoon~evening Update...I AM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO TIRED.....
 I fell asleep playing Castle with my kid. Sitting up straight even! I think i felt it the moment my rear end hit the cushion, it was like a nice cozy rest blanket fell on my shoulders and my head was bobbing like a...well like a bobble head does.
I had to pull it together and go get my other kid from school but believe me the second we got home i was face down in the sofa and OUT for at least 37 minutes. Im not gonna lie, there is a good chance drool happened.

I should wrap this up by saying I am no less enthusiastic about this journey, I worked this vessel harder this morning than I have in Years! honest. and I will probably be in bed (maybe asleep even) before a SUR server has their first drink...(Vanderpump Rules ((on at 8pm for reference))Ya'LL!!!).

tomorrow though...{{{sigh face emoji}}} Pray for me!

Through Him and from my heart,

-i

Tomorrow. Morning. 5am

Tomorrow. Morning. 5am

Reasons why, Goals,

legit - lose weight (in the next 4 weeks maybe 12 pounds?) I don't know what a realistic decline for my body and sadly neglected physique is.

Improved strength and flexibility; opening up and using muscles that haven't been properly trained and taken care of is going to be sore inducing and i am not looking forward to it. The good new here is that I am looking past it and looking at my why and that already feels worth it. 

I know my knee is going to start hurting immediately and my feet will follow.

All day I have been trying to let go of expectations, take "this leap" and allow myself to be trained.  

Its funny, I had the hardest time learning to and just let my son be 'coached'; standing back and just letting him be coached without butting in or trying to lead him...If I can do that for my son, I can do it for myself...that is after all, why I am starting this long overdue change...all for me; well and for that ripple effect of goodness that comes with taking care.

I hope to be able to post again tomorrow sometime, if your following along with me, make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in the upright and locked position....It will be a bumpy ride.

Through him and from my heart,

-i

Today (well yesterday...cause procrastination)...

Today  (well yesterday...cause procrastination)...I signed up for CG!!!  For anyone who might not know, CG is Camp Gladiator. I have avoided, made excuses and yes (sorry, so sorry) actively ignored this opportunity for far too long.  I am apprehensively excited and anxiously giddy. I don't mean anxiously like a kid getting ready for dance; but anxiously like trying to get through a crowd at a concert because you're slightly buzzed and really have to pee.
Anyway, I needed to take a survey to complete my profile set up to begin and in my 'elderly' tech excitement to get the app set up I gave quick answers to ensure set up. I have since thought that if I am going to make this work I. just me, only me can be accountable for my results. and I will need to find ways to 'Purge' (if you will) my journey along the way.


Questions and answers (as i remember them...):
"Why" do you want to work out...(my answer was self esteem something something)...this question was multiple choice and I really feel like my answer is All the choices.
so, "why" am i doing this?...
well definitely  to lose some weight, but remain realistically to improve my self esteem, to feel comfortable in my body, my skin and clothes.  I want to get to a healthy weight and I'm not going to lie...I want my work to be noticed!  Ha, i am me...still in my truest form...i am doing this to make it MORE about me!!! I am my own favorite subject! As i think about it...This is something i can do whole-ly for me, and I know that the results I get out of it will be the reflection of what I put in.  I will be able to use this time, as me, as an individual to take care of Me. Something I can have in the midst of being a wife, a mom This is the something I can do with me and for me.

another question was (something to the extent of..) What is a goal in the "why"...and for me the answer is self confidence. I am a stubborn old bird and I finally learned, figured out or saw that the way I am treating (have treated) my body is no longer ok...it hasn't (ever really) been good, but i feel that helps me and only gives me one direction to go...up (hopefully because i will weigh a little less.

That question got me thinking about just the basics of beginning a work out routine.  I feel like I should set some goals, and see how total my transformation is in my 4*weeks.
*i guess because of my timing i am getting an extra week. Due to my feelings toward my fitness level I am not counting it but looking to it as 'warm up'...all good routines have them {{{wink wink emoji}}}

So Goals...obvi, loose weight, improve body image, rembember and remind myself that I am strong, brave, faithful, gifted and able.
Oh...Goal: To get healthy and fit and able be around to give my kids as hard a time as i *usually always enjoy* them giving me!


So join me on this adventure...or don't,,, if you pray, please for me on this journey and I will do my best to return this favor in kind by being open, honest and literally working my ass off.
Oh...Goal: To get healthy and fit and able be around to give my kids as hard a time as i have been enjoying* them giving me!

Through him and from my heart,

-i

Commercials

back street boys and martin short???!!!!  Old Navy has just hit the limit.   I love Martin Short and for a time I think I enjoyed the back street boys, but when you couple them all together...it just seems like my past desperately trying to pull me back.

Tip?

When do i leave or offer a tip? Obviously service in a resturant or bar but mainly because i know that wages are dependent on tips; standard for me is usually 15% for service and an extra 5 for personality...
That being said, when I go to a place like starbucks or if I drive thru i do not typically tip a given amount or at all unless i happen to have cash or change (which kind of sucks on me because so many baristas these days have such personality!).
Ok, so what started this is that i am getting a delivery today (a service that i have paid for) and i am wondering what to tip if anything? I don't really have the means to "over-tip" but if i should tip then i should tip.

a day off

so i have a day off and i take advantage of it by doing menial tasks such as doctors appointments, grocery store and cleaning around the house otherwise bored. why is it that when i am not at work i can not think of a single thing to do on my own, yet when i am at work i can make lists of things i need/want to be doing other than work?