Dead End

I grew up on a "dead end" street, and that is where I feel I have ended up. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. Even my hobby bores me. I wake up, check my email file the rejection emails for jobs applied for and hope that I will find a posting for my dream job this day. What is my dream job? I don't even think I am qualified for it. I no longer feel qualified for anything. The longer I stay unemployed, the more searching I do, the more obvious it becomes that I no longer have what it takes to do anything. I am not even a good housewife as I can not seem to motivate myself to even clean the bathroom mirror.

What am I good at? Is what I am good at what I want to do everyday? How can it be if after 36 years of living I don't even know what that is?.

In our new techno savvy environments how do you get your foot in the door when you don't know anyone or anything but a search engine and how to attach a lackluster resume to an online application. Is this how it ends up for the baby from the dead end? Or is there and over the rainbow for me too?

My Inspiration

i lay next to him feeling his heart beat.

he holds my hand softly in his over his heart

he sleeps holding me so effortlessly and i love him for that.

i love him because he has given me so much more than i had even realized.

he loves me.

the best man

I married the best man! 10 years ago (this past august) I met him and knew he was great, but I did not have any idea the magnitude of his "greatness" until recent events opened my eyes a bit wide"er". I am by no means a patient person, to my credit he knew that when we got married, (7 years ago this past November) but he has taught me to communicate. I have learned lot of things that I should have learned growing up but missed. He was paying attention growing up and had a pretty supportive family that I have been lucky enough to have been welcomed into. I was recently fired from my retail job pretty unexpectedly and while my salary was not our primary income, it has really put a hurt on our household. My best man is able to see through the darkness and show me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Working through our budget, making sacrifices and helping to keep my spirits up as I search through a volatile job market with job skills that are average at best. I married the best man.